The Most Effective Way To Ask For What You Need

How many times have you needed something but don't want to ask? I'm sure it's more than once...

I'm always noticing a reluctance in people to 'ask,' and I've always lived by the thinking that if you don't ask, you don't know, and if you don't ask, you don't get so I'm going to share, an approach that has always worked well for me. That way, rather than wasting time figuring it out, you can spend that time asking for what you need.

Over the years, I’ve learned that there is always someone in your network who holds the solution, but whether or not you get access to it depends on how you ask. For example: "I need help" or "Can you help me?" aren't great ways to go about this. It is not clear, it can't be done quickly, and if you're on the receiving end, responding to a request like this could be setting you up to fail or disappoint the person asking the question.

First, figure out exactly what it is you need. Be specific. If you need advice about something, what outcome do you hope to achieve once you've received that advice?

To put it into context, let's use "I would like to do more public speaking" as an example.

Why do you want to do public speaking? If the answer is "to get my message out there”, delve deeper. Why do you want to get your message out? To strengthen your career positioning? To grow your business? Be precise, and more importantly, be honest with yourself about it.

Let's say you now know that the reason you’d like to get into public speaking is to reach a bigger audience and grow your business. Next, you'll need to figure out where the people in your audience are who can help you achieve this. For this example, we'll assume that they're on LinkedIn - seeing as that's where this article made its debut!

In this case, LinkedIn is playing the role of your "shop window" (or storefront if you're reading this from across the pond) so if you're going to be asking people via LinkedIn, make sure you've dressed the window! Here's 5 steps to support you in asking for what you need:

1. A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

If you don’t already have images that show you as a speaker, you’ll need some. Take some photos of you speaking - this can be as simple as against plain background in your home, with someone snapping pics of you talking - you're not going to say that you spoke at an event if you didn't (think positioning, not smoke screens!) but if there is nothing in the window to suggest that you’re a speaker, it’ll be difficult for people to see visualise you as one.

Share a selection of images of you ‘speaking’ (and any previous speaking event images) in your feed over the space of a few weeks, preferably accompanied by written content that links to speaking but that isn't about speaking. Here are some ideas:

1. Showcase your knowledge and skills in your field through thought leadership articles, how-to guides, or insightful commentary on industry trends, using one of the speaking images to accompany the written content
2. Run a poll or ask a question about public speaking, then engage with any comments
3. Tips, for example: 5 tips on how to have an impact on stage
4. Remember: People will only know what you show them and if they can't picture you as a speaker, it'll be harder to connect the dots.

2. If You Don't Ask, The Answer Is Always No!

Figure out who you’re going to ask. There is no point asking people who don’t have aligned experience or connections. Who do you know that has the right network to solve your problem?

3. Quality Questions Get Quality Answers

Get ready to start asking great questions! One of my go-to questions for many, many years has been, "Who do you know that I could speak to about xyz?".

In this instance, we'll call the person in your network that you plan to reach out to Jill, and the question might be:

"You're a fantastic speaker with a powerful message, and it's something I'd love the opportunity to do more of as I grow my business. I am just starting out and have only spoken at two events so far, but the feedback was really positive, and I’m excited about doing more. Do you know anyone that I can speak to who can give me some advice on how to find more speaking opportunities?"

Let’s take a closer look at what happened here:

• You're a fantastic speaker with a powerful message: You have shared some kind words and paid Jill a compliment. This should be genuine and personalised for each person you reach out to
• Growing my business: You've explained why
• I am just starting out, and I’ve only spoken at two events so far: You have been honest about where you are on your speaking journey
• The feedback was really positive: You've given them a sprinkling of social proof
• I’m excited about doing more: You have shown enthusiasm, and selling in it's most simple form is nothing more than a transfer of enthusiasm!
• Advice on how to find more speaking opportunities: You've asked for what you need
• Do you know anyone that I can speak to who: You’ve given Jill a way to support you without putting pressure on her to give up her time.

And you've framed it all with a great question! It's not in the example, and it could be stating the obvious, but keep it short (people are busy trying to manage and solve their own problems!) and end your message with a thank you.

4. Don't Neglect The Follow Up

Jill may respond by saying that she’s happy to speak to you, but it's more likely that she will recommend someone else - we’ll call him Malik. If Jill doesn’t provide you with Malik's contact details, ask her what the best way to get in touch with him is.

If you don't get introduced directly, the next thing on your list is to follow up promptly! If you can find Malik on LinkedIn or you have his email address, drop him a brief note that opens with something along the lines of:

I was recently talking about public speaking with our shared connection, Jill. She was singing your praises, and it’s clear that she thinks very highly of you, as she recommended that I reach out to you for some advice. I'm growing my business, and although it's early days in my speaker journey, I've now spoken at 2 events, and the feedback was really positive. Jill suggested that we have a quick conversation to get your insight on how I might go about finding more speaking opportunities.

5. Back To What You Need

It may also be a good idea to give Malik a get-out clause along the lines of:

I’d value and greatly appreciate your input, but if you don’t have the time or you're not the right person, can you recommend someone else I can speak to instead?

Malik is not obligated to solve your problem, but he is obligated to reply, given that Jill is one of his contacts. If he isn't prepared to give you his time, you will at least get the name of someone else who may be happy to. And so it goes on – repeat step 3 as many times as you have to!

Seeing it written out like this may feel like a laborious way to go about things, but it isn't! It's effective, and it works. Taking this approach will not only provide the solution to what you need, it will also generate quality recommendations and build new relationships. Plus, if you stick in someone’s mind in a positive way, they may come back to you in the future with an unexpected opportunity.

That’s it, a simple yet effective way to ask for what you need. So what do you need?! Figure that out, then follow the steps above and try asking for it in a more strategic way.

Author: Sallee Poinsette-Nash, one of the UK's leading people-brand strategists and founder of Brandable & Co. an award-winning people-brand consultancy specialising in personal brand strategy that closes the gap between professional brands and commercial success. Sallee is also the founder of Speakable & Co. where human expertise and AI technology come together to support people, companies, conferences and global events with public speaking.

If you have any thoughts or if this has prompted questions, reach out to Sallee on LinkedIn