Master the Ask: The Most Effective Way To Ask For What You Need

How many times have you needed something but don't want to ask? I'm sure it's more than once. I'm always noticing a reluctance in people to 'ask,' and I've always lived by the thinking that if you don't ask, you don't know, and if you don't ask, you don't get so I'm going to share, an approach that has always worked well for me. That way, rather than wasting time figuring it out, you can spend that time asking for what you need.

Be Specific: The Art of Asking

Over the years, I've learned that someone in your network always holds the solution, but whether or not you get access to it depends on how you ask. For example: "I need help" or "Can you help me?" aren't great ways to do this. It is unclear, and if you're on the receiving end, responding to a request like this could set you up to fail or disappoint the person asking the question.

First, figure out precisely what you need. Be specific. If you need advice about something, what outcome do you hope to achieve once you've received that advice?

Example: I would like to do more public speaking

To put it into context, let's use "I would like to do more public speaking" as an example.

Why do you want to do public speaking?

If the answer is "to get my message out there," delve deeper. Why do you want to get your message out? To strengthen your career positioning? To grow your business? Be precise, and more importantly, be honest with yourself about it.

Let's say you now know that you'd like to get into public speaking to reach a bigger audience and grow your business. Next, you'll need to figure out where the people in your audience are who can help you achieve this. For this example, we'll assume that they're on LinkedIn - seeing as that's where this article first made its debut!

Five Steps to Help You to Ask For What You Need

In this context, LinkedIn is playing the role of your "shop window" (or storefront if you're reading this from across the pond) so if you're going to be asking people via LinkedIn, make sure you've dressed the window! Here are five steps to support you in asking for what you need:

1. A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

You'll need some images if you don't already have any that show you as a speaker. Take some photos of you speaking - this can be as simple as against a plain background in your home, with someone snapping pics of you talking - you're not going to say that you spoke at an event if you didn't (think positioning, not smoke screens!) but if there is nothing in the window to suggest that you're a speaker, it'll be difficult for people to see you as one.

Share a selection of images of you 'speaking' (and any previous speaking event images) in your feed over the space of a few weeks, preferably accompanied by written content that links to speaking but that isn't about speaking. Here are some ideas:

1. Showcase your knowledge and skills in your field through thought leadership articles, how-to guides, or insightful commentary on industry trends, using one of the speaking images to accompany the written content
2. Run a poll or ask a question about public speaking, then engage with any comments
3. Tips, for example, five tips on how to have an impact on stage:
4. Remember: People will only know what you show them; connecting the dots will be more challenging if they can't picture you as a speaker.

2. If You Don't Ask, The Answer Is Always No!

Figure out who you're going to ask. There is no point asking people without aligned experience or connections. Who do you know that has the right network to solve your problem?

3. Quality Questions Get Quality Answers

Get ready to start asking great questions! For many years, one of my go-to questions has been, "Who do you know that I could speak to about XYZ?".

In this instance, we'll call the person in your network that you plan to reach out to Jill, and the question might be:

"You're a fantastic speaker with a powerful message, and I'd love the opportunity to do more of it as I grow my business. I am just starting and have only spoken at two events so far, but the feedback was really positive, and I'm excited about doing more. Do you know anyone I can speak to who can give me some advice on finding more speaking opportunities?"

Let's take a closer look at what happened here:

• You're a fantastic speaker with a powerful message: You have shared some kind words and paid Jill a compliment. Your words should be genuine and personalised for each person you reach out to
• Growing my business: You've explained why
• I am just starting, and I've only spoken at two events so far: You have been honest about where you are on your speaking journey.
• The feedback was really positive: You've given them a sprinkling of social proof.
• I'm excited about doing more: You have shown enthusiasm, and selling in its simplest form is just a transfer of enthusiasm!
• Advice on how to find more speaking opportunities: You've asked for what you need
• Do you know anyone that I can speak to: You've given Jill a way to support you without putting pressure on her to give up her time.

And you've framed it all with a great question! It could be stating the obvious, but keep it short (people are focused on managing and solving their own problems!) and end your message with a thank you.

4. Don't Neglect The Follow-Up
Jill may respond by saying that she's happy to speak to you, but it's more likely that she will recommend someone else - we'll call him Malik. If Jill doesn't provide you with Malik's contact details, ask her the best way to contact him.

If you don't get introduced directly, the next thing on your list is to follow up promptly! If you can find Malik on LinkedIn or you have his email address, drop him a brief note that opens with something along the lines of:

5. Back To What You Need

It may also be a good idea to give Malik a get-out clause along the lines of:

I'd value and greatly appreciate your input, but if you don't have the time or are not the right person, can you recommend someone else I can speak to instead?

Malik is not obligated to solve your problem, but he must reply, given that Jill is one of his contacts. If he isn't prepared to give you his time, you will at least get the name of someone else who may be happy to. And so it goes on – repeat step 3 as often as you need to!

Asking Leads to Results: Creating Connections with Purposeful Requests

Seeing it written out like this may feel like a laborious way to go about things, but it isn't! It's effective, and it works. Taking this approach will not only provide the solution to what you need but also generate quality recommendations and build new relationships. Plus, if you positively stick in someone's mind, they may come back to you with an unexpected opportunity later.

That's a simple yet effective way to ask for what you need. So what do you need?! Figure that out, then follow the steps above and try asking for it in a more strategic way.

Author: Sallee Poinsette-Nash one of the UK's leading people-brand strategists, speaker and founder of Brandable & Co. an award-winning people-brand consultancy specialising in human brand strategy that closes the gap between professional brands and commercial success.

If you have any thoughts or if this has prompted questions, reach out to Sallee on LinkedIn